Tuesday, November 16, 2010

exhaustion, at it's finest!

Well, I've officially worked literally half of the days in November! I'm not sure how many hours that it, but it's somewhere in the 100 range I believe! WHEW! 12 hour shifts, every single freakin day! Exhausted, yea, you could say that! Beyond exhausted, yea, that sounds more like it!

I feel like I am so out of touch with everything, it's pretty freakin sad. I barely see my family at the moment, especially my little Emi Girl! I think I've seen her for a total of 5 hours this entire month! I'm typically out of the house before she's up, and not home until after she's asleep. But, I suppose that's the price we sometimes have to pay.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't change it for the world, but not being able to see my family when I am actually at hgome station is a little rough! I'm pretty sure it would be rough on anyone, period.

I don't even know if I know what I want to write about....I'm just THAT exhausted. Everything is like mumble jumble at the moment for me.

Yea, that's where I'm at right now....the point of mumble jumble. 29 days left of this!

You'd think a month would fly by quickly, but it's a different story when you are at work for half of all the hours in a day, every single day!

But, Christmas is coming up around the corner! And all sources point to it being a GREAT Christmas! Especially for the kids! :) So, there's something to look forward too! And of course, Jayden will be 3! I can't believe it! My first born baby will be 3 years old in a month! Where has time gone?

I have to keep reminding myself, this is only temporary, and there are plenty of things to look forward too.....I just have to stay positive. Yea, easier said than done.

Letter to Emilyn

Dear Emilyn,

You are a year old now! I can't believe that it has been a year already! I'm not too sure where the time went to, because I feel like it has escaped me!
On year ago today I was supposed to be on "bedrest" but I had things that I had to accomplish, so I had to break it! First I went to drop your older brother off at school, and then I went to go say hi to your Auntie Lori at work! After that I went to my baby shower that work gave to me. We even played a game at the baby shower where people guessed when I would have you! Not a single person thought that I would have you that day! Most people were guessing late November! One person even thought that you would show up on your actual due date, December 11, 2009! The earliest guess was November 15, 2009! After my work baby shower I went and met up with your Auntie Rhonda! She has a little girl named Shyann, and she is the same age as your older brother! Auntie Rhonda absolutely insisted that we go and get a pack of preemie diapers, and at least one preemie outfit, because she had a feeling that you would come early. So we went and got the diapers, clothes and even a bottle of the preemie formula! I personally thought she was nuts, but I am always down for an excuse to shop for your brother & you. So we got the things that she thought you would need, and I picked up a few outfits & diapers for Jayden so I could pack them for him to go stay at Papi's whenever you had decided to make your debut! After all this Auntie Rhonda again insisted that we go eat! So we went & grabbed a bite to eat and then headed back to the hospital to drop her off at her car, and from there I had to head to my normal NST/AFI appointment!

Up to the 4th floor I went, and Carissa, the lady who works in the antepartum unit, hooked me all up to the monitors! You were not being particularly active, which was normal for you anyways. My blood pressure was getting pretty darn high though, and I was having random contractions, but nothing to signify labor at all! After about 60 minutes, she was finally able to call the doctor! Yes, it took you that long to give her a "reactive" strip! When she called for the doctor on call, she was informed that all the residents were out of town, and that Dr. Cline would come up and do the AFI! You should know now that Dr. Cline is the best of the best, and in the world of David Grant Medical Center, he gets what he wants! But, we figured it would be good for him to come see me since he would be the one that would be doing the C-Section originally planned for November 20, 2010! You were still breech, and you never had much water to swim in, so a C-Section was really my only option unless you turned upside down! I was holding my hopes high that you would turn! He came up, and started doing the AFI......looked a little puzzled, and ran over it again....still didn't get what he was "looking" for! Clicked on the little button that shows cord, and then he dropped the bomb on your Mommy! "You're going to have this baby today!" I was confused, and a little lost! I told him that I still had to pack, and I had to get things taken care of, there was just no way I could have you today! But he said that there was literally next to no amniotic fluid left in me, and the cord compression was high, so there was no way for you to stay in there safely for more than 2 more hours! He told me I had an hour to take care of what I needed to take care of, via PHONE! There was no way that I could leave! So I was in complete shock, and called your Auntie Lori, telling her that the doctor was NUTS! Yes, she was my first phone call because I was in such shock! She told me that I needed to get off the phone and call your Daddy! So, I got off the phone and called your daddy who was at work! He dropped everything and ran out the door! Then I called Papi, and made the arrangements for him to pick up your brother, and keep him for a few days. About this time, things started picking up because I started having contractions every 2 minutes! According to Dr Cline, this was not safe because it added more stress to the cord, which was already stressed out with so little fluid. Before I knew it people were swarming around me, asking questions and Dr Cline was on the intercom paging the head of pediactrics & anesthesia to the operating room, STAT!
Your Daddy walked in the door just in time!!! Just as they were wheeling me back into the OR, he was walking in! Once we got to the OR, they tried to give me the spinal, but it just wouldn't take effect. Dr Cline made the decision that I would have to be put under general anesthesia. And, about an hour later....after getting your breathing stabilized, they brought you back to Daddy! Shortly after, I was brought back! You were soooo tiny! And you were truly a miracle baby! The doctors said it themselves, if I had been pregnant one more day, you would not have made it!
Later that evening, our doctor called us! He was away that day with the rest of the residents! He called just to check up on us because he know that you had decided to make your arrival early! Dr. Cline texted him! He didn't have to call, but he did! And Dr Cline didn't have to stay to do the CSection, but he did! They were both soooo active in your care. Early the next morning, Dr Klein came up to see us! Minor breathing problems, which were to be expected, but nothing that wasn't resolved within a few hours. A few problems with glucose, but that was too be expected as well. Technically you should not have been born at DGMC, but they didn't have enough time to transport me! I think we were lucky! Dr Cline & Dr Klein are probably the best doctors in the world! I don't think anyone else would have cared as much! I think we owe that too Auntie Lori, though! She introduced us personally to the doctors, and we got to know them on a personal level, so they cared about what happened to us as people, not just as patients. I know youa re much too young to understand this now, but someday you will! Someday you will realize just how lucky you are!

Your Daddy & I love you sooo much, and we truly thank God every single day for the miracle he gave us in you! Your older brother Jayden has ALWAYS loved you! From the day he got to come see you in the hospital, he loved you! He has ALWAYS protected you! You could not have a better bigger brother than your JayJay! He loves you to pieces, and always talks about you! Everything is "Sissy, sissy, sissy!" Daddy & I truly got lucky with Jayden & you! I don't think we could have two more perfect kids!

And on your first year of life, I want you to know that you truly are a miracle baby, and we will never forget that! Dr Cline & Dr Klein truly were special doctors and went above and beyond the call of duty. I want you to know just how many people cared about you before you were even here. Life is precious, and you made us realize that. I feel like I owe everything to Dr Klein, and I will never forget him.

I love you baby girl. You truly are, Blessed from heavan, my Umiokalani!