Friday, December 14, 2012

Fast Forward 2 Years!

Well, I haven't posted in over 2 years! A lot has happened in those 2 years. Fr starters, I am no longer with my husband. I found out shorty after my last post he ha been having an affai on her pregnant and what not. I went through a lot with him! From him hitting me to becoming a single active duty mommy of 2! That my friends is much harder than you could ever imagine. Being active duty as a mon is hard anywas....make it being a single mom! Whew! However, I have finally gotten the hang of it and things are pretty routine. Where do I start? Oh I really don't know...maybe with the fact that after over 2 years I am finally happy! I didnt know that a person could feel like this! It's amazing! I didn't know that girls were actually treated this way! Good ness! I really was like a whole new person. Anywas, in for now this is it, but soon..../soon I will update all. Have a great night folks.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

exhaustion, at it's finest!

Well, I've officially worked literally half of the days in November! I'm not sure how many hours that it, but it's somewhere in the 100 range I believe! WHEW! 12 hour shifts, every single freakin day! Exhausted, yea, you could say that! Beyond exhausted, yea, that sounds more like it!

I feel like I am so out of touch with everything, it's pretty freakin sad. I barely see my family at the moment, especially my little Emi Girl! I think I've seen her for a total of 5 hours this entire month! I'm typically out of the house before she's up, and not home until after she's asleep. But, I suppose that's the price we sometimes have to pay.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't change it for the world, but not being able to see my family when I am actually at hgome station is a little rough! I'm pretty sure it would be rough on anyone, period.

I don't even know if I know what I want to write about....I'm just THAT exhausted. Everything is like mumble jumble at the moment for me.

Yea, that's where I'm at right now....the point of mumble jumble. 29 days left of this!

You'd think a month would fly by quickly, but it's a different story when you are at work for half of all the hours in a day, every single day!

But, Christmas is coming up around the corner! And all sources point to it being a GREAT Christmas! Especially for the kids! :) So, there's something to look forward too! And of course, Jayden will be 3! I can't believe it! My first born baby will be 3 years old in a month! Where has time gone?

I have to keep reminding myself, this is only temporary, and there are plenty of things to look forward too.....I just have to stay positive. Yea, easier said than done.

Letter to Emilyn

Dear Emilyn,

You are a year old now! I can't believe that it has been a year already! I'm not too sure where the time went to, because I feel like it has escaped me!
On year ago today I was supposed to be on "bedrest" but I had things that I had to accomplish, so I had to break it! First I went to drop your older brother off at school, and then I went to go say hi to your Auntie Lori at work! After that I went to my baby shower that work gave to me. We even played a game at the baby shower where people guessed when I would have you! Not a single person thought that I would have you that day! Most people were guessing late November! One person even thought that you would show up on your actual due date, December 11, 2009! The earliest guess was November 15, 2009! After my work baby shower I went and met up with your Auntie Rhonda! She has a little girl named Shyann, and she is the same age as your older brother! Auntie Rhonda absolutely insisted that we go and get a pack of preemie diapers, and at least one preemie outfit, because she had a feeling that you would come early. So we went and got the diapers, clothes and even a bottle of the preemie formula! I personally thought she was nuts, but I am always down for an excuse to shop for your brother & you. So we got the things that she thought you would need, and I picked up a few outfits & diapers for Jayden so I could pack them for him to go stay at Papi's whenever you had decided to make your debut! After all this Auntie Rhonda again insisted that we go eat! So we went & grabbed a bite to eat and then headed back to the hospital to drop her off at her car, and from there I had to head to my normal NST/AFI appointment!

Up to the 4th floor I went, and Carissa, the lady who works in the antepartum unit, hooked me all up to the monitors! You were not being particularly active, which was normal for you anyways. My blood pressure was getting pretty darn high though, and I was having random contractions, but nothing to signify labor at all! After about 60 minutes, she was finally able to call the doctor! Yes, it took you that long to give her a "reactive" strip! When she called for the doctor on call, she was informed that all the residents were out of town, and that Dr. Cline would come up and do the AFI! You should know now that Dr. Cline is the best of the best, and in the world of David Grant Medical Center, he gets what he wants! But, we figured it would be good for him to come see me since he would be the one that would be doing the C-Section originally planned for November 20, 2010! You were still breech, and you never had much water to swim in, so a C-Section was really my only option unless you turned upside down! I was holding my hopes high that you would turn! He came up, and started doing the AFI......looked a little puzzled, and ran over it again....still didn't get what he was "looking" for! Clicked on the little button that shows cord, and then he dropped the bomb on your Mommy! "You're going to have this baby today!" I was confused, and a little lost! I told him that I still had to pack, and I had to get things taken care of, there was just no way I could have you today! But he said that there was literally next to no amniotic fluid left in me, and the cord compression was high, so there was no way for you to stay in there safely for more than 2 more hours! He told me I had an hour to take care of what I needed to take care of, via PHONE! There was no way that I could leave! So I was in complete shock, and called your Auntie Lori, telling her that the doctor was NUTS! Yes, she was my first phone call because I was in such shock! She told me that I needed to get off the phone and call your Daddy! So, I got off the phone and called your daddy who was at work! He dropped everything and ran out the door! Then I called Papi, and made the arrangements for him to pick up your brother, and keep him for a few days. About this time, things started picking up because I started having contractions every 2 minutes! According to Dr Cline, this was not safe because it added more stress to the cord, which was already stressed out with so little fluid. Before I knew it people were swarming around me, asking questions and Dr Cline was on the intercom paging the head of pediactrics & anesthesia to the operating room, STAT!
Your Daddy walked in the door just in time!!! Just as they were wheeling me back into the OR, he was walking in! Once we got to the OR, they tried to give me the spinal, but it just wouldn't take effect. Dr Cline made the decision that I would have to be put under general anesthesia. And, about an hour later....after getting your breathing stabilized, they brought you back to Daddy! Shortly after, I was brought back! You were soooo tiny! And you were truly a miracle baby! The doctors said it themselves, if I had been pregnant one more day, you would not have made it!
Later that evening, our doctor called us! He was away that day with the rest of the residents! He called just to check up on us because he know that you had decided to make your arrival early! Dr. Cline texted him! He didn't have to call, but he did! And Dr Cline didn't have to stay to do the CSection, but he did! They were both soooo active in your care. Early the next morning, Dr Klein came up to see us! Minor breathing problems, which were to be expected, but nothing that wasn't resolved within a few hours. A few problems with glucose, but that was too be expected as well. Technically you should not have been born at DGMC, but they didn't have enough time to transport me! I think we were lucky! Dr Cline & Dr Klein are probably the best doctors in the world! I don't think anyone else would have cared as much! I think we owe that too Auntie Lori, though! She introduced us personally to the doctors, and we got to know them on a personal level, so they cared about what happened to us as people, not just as patients. I know youa re much too young to understand this now, but someday you will! Someday you will realize just how lucky you are!

Your Daddy & I love you sooo much, and we truly thank God every single day for the miracle he gave us in you! Your older brother Jayden has ALWAYS loved you! From the day he got to come see you in the hospital, he loved you! He has ALWAYS protected you! You could not have a better bigger brother than your JayJay! He loves you to pieces, and always talks about you! Everything is "Sissy, sissy, sissy!" Daddy & I truly got lucky with Jayden & you! I don't think we could have two more perfect kids!

And on your first year of life, I want you to know that you truly are a miracle baby, and we will never forget that! Dr Cline & Dr Klein truly were special doctors and went above and beyond the call of duty. I want you to know just how many people cared about you before you were even here. Life is precious, and you made us realize that. I feel like I owe everything to Dr Klein, and I will never forget him.

I love you baby girl. You truly are, Blessed from heavan, my Umiokalani!


Thursday, July 22, 2010


Whew! What a long and tiring and exhausting week! It's been an exercise week for us. I'm sure anyone that is military, was military, is a military spouse, brat or otherwise knows what I'm talking about. So far this week I've worked 50 hours in 4 days, with no lunch. roughly about 12.5 hours a day....And the week isn't even over yet. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and just burnt out! I am definately ready for the weekend, and I sure hope tomorrow goes by quickly....

My backs also been killing me lately. Hardcore! It's been like this now for 3 weeks. Unless I take painkillers, I'm in massive amounts of pain.....and that's not fun. So, it looks like I'll be trying to get an appointment tomorrow to try and see the doctor.

Emilyn has been going to bed as soon as we get home this week. We've been letting Jayden stay up slightly past his usual bed time so that he gets in some play time and gets to see us for a little bit. It's thrown off his schedule a little, but I guess being a military family, you just learn that these things will have to happen every once in a while. The entire family learns to make sacrifices.

So, this week at school for JayJay was crazy week! Everyday was something different. Monday was crazy hair day. So we spiked his hair and had blue dye in it, and we had him wear a shirt that said Reality TV Star. I thought it was too funny with the blue hair. Tuesday was Jersey day! He wore a Niners shirt, and Emilyn wore a Niners Cheerleader outfit. I just thought it was cute to have them match. Wednesday was hat day, so Jayden wore a Yankee's shirt and a Yankee's hat! Today was mix match shoe day. So he wore a white shock, and a black shock....Of course he wore black shorts with white plaid, and a white polo. Had to make sure he was still fitted out! Tomorrow is PJ day. He's got Buzz Lightyear PJ's to wear!

I don't know what it is, but my kids always, ALWAYS, always have to be the best dressed all the way around. Everything has to match and go together. I've been like that since Jayden was born. When it comes to them, everything has to be the best. I'm not like that with myself.....but I am with them. And I know, I'm probably just creating monsters for then they get older.

I got my first pedicure the 4th of July was awesome! So, I went again last Saturday and got another one. It feels sooo good, especially after spending all week in boots. I'll probably go again this weekend too. I know it's only been a week, but after a week like this, I feel like I need one. It's a complete destressor for me. I can't believe I had never had one before. I used to go have my nails done on the rare occasion, but I just can't handle having the fake nails. I don't know how to function with any sort of long nail.....and I don't even get them that long. LOL. But a pedicure....that's right up my alley.

But, I think bed is calling my name! Early I know....but I took my muscle relaxer and some pain medication, the very last it's time to let my body rest for the evening.

I'm just waiting on the glorious phone call that says ENDEX!!!! Oh how that would make things amazing! I'm ready to go back to normal shifts.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Taking time to smell the coffee...

So, as we have Jayden's best friend over tonight while her mommy is at class, and her daddy is playing softball....we decided to take them to the park. It's not a new thing for us to have her over here....We watch her foten, and we love it. It's so fun to see how she interacts with Emilyn, and especially finny to watch her and Jayden play. I watch her and wonder what Emilyn will be like when she's that age. They are both so loving towards Emi, so it's wonderful.

I'm not sure what sparked this tonight as we were at teh park behind the house getting out some energy, but I started thinking....I started thinking about all those precious moments we have with our children and how quickly they pass by. How quickly they grow up, and how quickly children these days seem to lose their innocence.

I was taking pictures of all of them playing....and I caught this one picture of Emilyn. She wasn't quite looking at the camera, the wind had her hair, and she was smiling so big. It was at that moment and time I stopped for a few moments and realized just how precious life is, just how much of a miracle baby she is, just how lucky we are to have her. Seriously though. When push comes to shove....if I would have been pregnant with her for even one more day, she might not have survived. My amniotic fluid levels were way too low, and there was way too much pressure on her umbilical cord. If it weren't for the 2 doctors that I received care from, I don't know where I'd be today. They did so much for me, and I'll never be able to repay them. Thank you is all I can say, but it's not enough. There will never be enough words to express just how lucky I am that I had them.

I guess what sparked this whole reminiscince today was a conversation I was having with one of my friends. We try to meet once a week if not more for lunch...and we are able to talk and get things off....just confide and laugh with each other. It's a great mid day stress relief to the work day. So we were talking today about dates that we will never ever forget. Yes, there is your wedding day, the day your kids are born.....but what about those other unforseen events that are life changing? Those maybe not to happy go lucky events... Her's was when her husband was in a major car accident. He was soooo lucky he survived, because if you were to see the truck, you'd wonder how he made it through. He's had a loooong road to recovery and hopefully just had his 9th and final surgery for this year. She went through all that basically alone. With her daughter who was still under 6 mos at the time, and her son who was 9. She'll never forget the call she received from CHP, and I'll never forget the call I received from her right after. I feel blessed that I was the first call she made after his mother. I feel blessed she felt she could lean and turn to me.

Mine, well mine was August 28th 2009. I had my U/S that day. Directly after the U/S I went to the promotion ceremony to see my friend who was going to be promoted. Directly after the ceremony I got in the car and looked and my phone, 46 missed calls, all from DGMC...whithin an hour or so. My first resction was that it was some mess up with their automated phone system. Ironically, the next call was from DGMC and it was the "appointment reminder system" telling me about an appointment. So, I figured that was it. Less than 2 minutes later, another phone call from DGMC, interesting....I picked it up. Only this time, it was my doctor on the other end. He asked if I could meet him in his office. This was after duty 5:30pm. He should have been home already, but he'd been trying to get a hold of me. I asked if everything was okay, and all he said was "I'll see you in a little bit, drive safe." Now my mind is racing....what's really going on? Maybe he can't be my OB anymore and I'm meeting him replacement....yea, that has to be it! I get there, and he sits me down, looks at me in the eyes and says, "I really don't like to bring bad news, and there really is no easy way to say this..." Mind still wandering.... "They noticed some issues with your U/S. Your amniotic fluid levels are barely above a 5, you should be at least over 10. Anything under 5 is not safe for baby. And baby, she's significatly slowed her growth down by 50%, and she's not meeting up with the gestational age properly." Wow! Shocker. Tears were rolling down my face, I didn't know what to say or do. He followed with, "I'm referring you to the specialists up in Sac to see what they think, and get an opinion from a perinatologist. Starting Monday, I want you to do to L&D twice a week to get NST/AFI's done to monitor baby, and I want you to come see me weekly, and the other doctor (HROB) once every other week. We're going to be very proactive." I knew from the moment he said those things that I had picked the best OB possible. Still, I couldn't held the tears from flowing. I was so scared. I was no longer just a normal pregnancy. I couldn't go run and frolic, I had to be careful. Suddenly my second "perfect pregnancy" that I was so sure I was going to have was slipping away. It went from being a standard normal pregnancy to "super high risk" in the blink of an eye. Yup, that's the day I'll never forget!

Now, I cherish my little girl. After all that, plus preterm labor, a scare that almost landed me having her at 32wks, and 2 admissions to the hospital before delivery...... She's happy and healthy and I couldn't ask for more.

What are the moments you'll never forget that are beyond our measure?

Cherish life today, and live for those little moments.....they'll be gone before we know it.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Head cleared? Almost check!

So, I decided to take this week off for the most part. I had to work Monday to accomplish my weeks worth of work, which is hard to do.....everything in one day? Chasing people down, especially those who have tried to avoid me for weeks and weeks, get everything else turned in. Tuesday's report, Wednesday's report, Thursday's slides.... some people don't think I do anything.....but I'd like them to sit in my job for just one day. JUST ONE!

So, I desperately needed to take a time out, some time off. It's been a loooong time since I actually got to take some leave. It was only a week, because for some reason my management has a hard time any time I want to take more than that. *ugh* But, I had all these lovely plans I wanted to do....and what did I do? NOTHING! But, as much as I'd like to say I feel bad for not doing all those things etc, I don't! It felt nice to go out one night with my girls to see all the Twilights, do absolutely nothing the next day because I didn't feel to hot, and the following day Jayden stayed home from the CDC because he wasn't feeling good that morning, but by that afternoon he was back to himself, so we went to Target got diapers and some other things and he got to get his very own baseball glove. I don't know what it is lately, but this kid is in LOVE with baseball and volleyball. He'll even watch them on TV. So yes, I did nothing......and I don't feel giulty. My mind needed a time out.

Now, it's the weekend. A lovely 4 day weekend in honor of 4th of July! So, today we're relaxing for now....will probably go to babies r us because both Jayden & Emilyn need new strollers, and maybe do a little more shopping? Tonight is gymnastics, well open gym. Jayden always looks forward to that. It's his night every other Friday that he gets to spend with just mom and dad, and of course his little girlfriend. But it's also Sissy's time with Nana. So everyone wins in the end! Nana gets to spend alone time with Sissy, which she LOVES, and Jayden gets alone time with mom and dad, which I feel is super important when you have 2 kids....making sure each kid has their own time to feel special.

Tomorrow, who knows what we'll do. Maybe spend some time at the pool?

Sunday we're taking the kids to the parade, and then going to BBQ at my dads in the arly afternoon.....and hopefully go later on to the fireworks nearby.

Monday, hopefully get this house completely unpacked!

Otherwise, I went back to my doctor (well the only one that is left!) on Thursday. Still having a ton of pain from my C-Section...the first thing he said to me when I stood up was "You've lost weight haven't you? You look damn good girl! Good for you." I can't tell you how good that made me feel. To have him notice and compliment. Not very many people notice, or it made my day, and almost made up for the fact that he just about made me cry when he pushed on my abdomen region in certain areas. I was literally on the verge of screaming/crying. It really hurts that bad still. Verdict? Because the actually had to cut my abs apart this last time, and a had a TON of scar tissue after Jayden, it's just going to take a lot more time to heal this time around. Possibly up to a year? *ugh* That potentially means 4 more months on my end. *YIKES* :

I guess, I really don't have too much to say here, I just wanted to post something before my weekend gets too hectic like always.

On a side note, anyone tried the in-styler? Does ti really work?

And does anyone have any good strollers for 2 1/2 year olds? Obviously long walks don't sit well with him. His short little legs get tired eventually......

I hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July weekend, and remember...thank your veterans! It is because of them that you enjoy the freedoms you do.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

As the time comes to say goodbye...

So, if any of you have ever been related to the military in anyways, you know that there are certain times a year when goodbyes happen more often than other. Typically around the seasons. Summer is one of them. A big one of them.

It just so happens right now that I know a few of my friends that are getting ready to get out and head back home. :\ I've worked with some of these folks for 4 years, and we've got all these new people coming in, and suddenly I'm finding myself faced without the comfort of the people I've known and worked with for 4 years. It's always sad to say goodbye, but it's the inevitable part of the military life. Sad, but true. The military life takes us in all different directions sometimes, it's a mystery where we'll end up at times. I'm definately going to miss a lot of those familiar faces, those faces you joke with, partied with, laughed with, vented with......

And, for's a time that the resident doctors PCS on to become staff doctors wherever the Air Force sends them. We just so happen to be losing out primary care manager as he was a 3rd year resident this year. We've seen him since he was a 1st year resident! When I found out I was pregnant with Emilyn, I knew that I wanted him to be my OB. I went through leaps and bounds to have him be my OB. I knew I didn't want anyone else, so I had my friend find him for me and ask him personally because I was already "randomly" assigned one like most people. Besides, resident can only have so many pregnant patients being Family Medicine. But, he agreed. He supported me when I wanted a VBAC. He called me and had me personally come so he could explain that things didn't look good on the U\S 20 minutes after I had left radiology! He sent me to receive the extra care and U\S by specialists. He was very honest when I became a high risk patient, and never ever took the slightest risk. He answered his phone while he was on leave when the specialists saw an issue with me to discuss it. When he was away on a retreat and I ended up delivering my daughter emergency prematurely, he called me that night to check on me, came in early the next morning....Let me not forget specifically that the folks at Maternal Fetal Medicine felt I needed to be in the care of someone who was a specialized OB, but I argued with them, and said no, no one else would do my care. I'm 200% confident that if it were not for him and his close attention to detail, my daughter would not have been born as healthy, or she may not have survived at all. He was able to deal with my stubbornness. And then of course everything he has done for my daughter.....walking her in when I couldn't get an appointment with him, he was on top of everything!!! And he never got frustrated with my C-Section healing slowly!!! And he even made a "house call" for JayJay. He gave me advice from a doctors standpoint, and as a parent as well. Something most people don't do. He was absolutely amazing, and a one of a kind doctor. He made a huge impact on my family's life, and we'll never forget everything he's done for us. Definately sad to see him leave. When my kids and I had our final appointment with him, I cried. But, I took the time to write him a thank you letter and card to let him know how appreciated he is. And he took the time to email me and say THank You. He took the time to let me know that it meant a lot to him. How many people will do that?

I guess that's the life of the military though...goodbyes become a part of the routine, but they never seem to get easier. However, some people leave footprints in our hearts that we will cherish forever.